The Foster Care System

My family fosters with a branch of CAS, that places native children in native homes so they can keep learning about and connecting with their culture. I have 2 biological siblings of my own, and the most kids we’ve had in the house was 7 total.

We’ve had 3 children that we were going to adopt, one of them is currently placed with us. He came to us when he was a day old, and he’s 9 months old now.

We started the adoption process and another family stepped forward and is taking him. He could be leaving at any time, as soon as tomorrow…it’s really whenever they call and say they’re coming to get him.

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Invalidating Someone’s Sexuality

I just wanted to make a post about this because it’s been bugging me a bit lately… Invalidating someone’s sexuality.

When I started looking into orientations and what not, I came across the term “asexual”, and I think it fits right now, grey ace is most comfortable.

I’ve told a few close friends, and my boyfriend, but not many other people. My sister knows, and accepts it. My parents on the other hand… not so much.

Rant below!

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My Spirit Guide!

In my previous post I talked about meditation and spirit guides. I’m still learning about mine so I’m taking this post as an opportunity to do so!

I started with a Shamanic Journey, which is a form of meditation. I did this as a guided meditation because I can’t yet lead myself through a meditation. The videos I found on Youtube were using Native American drumming, which connects you to Mother Earth and grounds you. These videos are very calming, and easy to relax to.

I find it easier to lay down rather than sit when I meditate. I have horrible balance, so if I sit I tend to rock back and forth which probably wouldn’t help with a meditation, and laying down is just more comfortable for me. I fall asleep sometimes because I get so relaxed!

The meditation took me on a journey to a garden where the speaker told me that if my spirit guide decided to show itself to me, it would in this place that I created in my mind through meditation….. more below about my Shamanic Journey!

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Meditation and Spirit Guides

The last few months have been rather bumpy. I became overloaded with extracurriculars at school so I had to drop one, got overloaded with school work around exams, picked up more babysitting jobs which keeps me busy, and I’ve sort of isolated myself a bit. This has all lead to a drop in my mood, and although I’ve kept up with journaling, I stopped meditating which is something I wanted to start again. And so I did. Read on for the start of my journey!

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Self Care

Today I guess I could say I did some self care stuff.

I woke up a decent time and wasn’t too tired so I guess I slept well:)
I did some laundry which is my chore at home, and then put in a few loads of my own so I could have clean clothes again.

I painted a picture for my mom because it’s her birthday on Tuesday and although it wasn’t perfect, I’m proud of it. Next I went for a walk, which I don’t usually choose to do.

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Reading Update!

I haven’t read a ton in the last few weeks…oops! But I did read:

  1. (Reread) All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven
  2. (Halfway through) When We Collided by Emery Lord
  3. (Half-ish way through) Whiskey Words & a Shovel (3)

I’m hoping to catch up on reading in the next week or so and have more of an update for everyone next weekend!

What are your current reads?:)

Why be “Normal”?

Normality may be a “paved road”, but who’s to say what “normal” is?

VanGogh

What defines “normal”?

The only reason there’s guidelines to describe something as “normal” is because we need there to be. Society makes expectations on how someone acts, what they do, what they say, what they think, what they feel…everything.

We all need these guidelines, structured definitions, to make us feel comfortable. We don’t want to feel alienated so we conform to the expectations set out before us by society. But at the same time, many are too quick to judge others, I myself am guilty of this, and we tend to categorize people into “normal'” and “abnormal” based on things they do, say, think, etc. We thrive on this, because it makes their “flaws” stand out showing how different we are compared to this other person, and it makes us feel… “normal”, in comparison.

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Picking Myself Up

So lately I’ve sort of started isolating myself more. I don’t really talk to anyone other than my boyfriend, which I’m good with but both he and my parents are a bit worried about that and say I need to socialize more. I’ve also been having more “neutral” days as I call them, and days where I’m really tired and can’t focus on school work.

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Yellow Paint

I have come across this quote many times on social media, and it has become one of my favourites.

The idea of consuming paint is rather hard to swallow, but it’s understandable when you understand why someone would do so. The colour yellow represents happiness, and if you’re down and depressed as Van Gogh was, it’s easier to see why he would consume yellow paint.

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Future Tattoo!

For the last few months I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo…except I’m not very good with pain, and I’d probably pass out if I went to get a tattoo! But, if I got a small one maybe I’d be okay. So a small tattoo is what I’ve been looking for, and I came across arrow tattoos.

Not only are they super cute, and can be designed in many different ways, but the meaning  behind them is the main reason I’ve chosen an arrow as my tattoo.

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Love Yourself

You should aspire to love yourself always, but love yourself even more on the bad days

-unknown (found on Tumblr)

The above is a quote I found on Tumblr earlier this week. The importance of self love, is not yet a universal concept. We often love others more than we love ourselves, which I think is normal, especially when you don’t think much of yourself. If you have a low self esteem, or self image, it’s easy to put other people above you, and treat yourself like you’re nothing.

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Finding Happiness in the Little Things

Lately, I’ve had a lot of down moods, or “off ” days, and am still having anxiety. In these moods, I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to socialize with most of my friends, any really except for my boyfriend…I think this may be because I just feel so comfortable with him and want him with me when I’m having off days. During these days, I also don’t focus on much, which kinda sucks when I actually have to do something, like school work, because I can’t focus on anything… it’s easier to just scroll on my phone because I don’t have the motivation to do anything else.

Especially in the last while with these down days, I’ve found that I need to focus more on the little things that bring me happiness. Life gets stressful, and sometimes you just need to pull yourself up and find happiness in the little things. Find the candle in the darkness.

Below is a list of things I find my happiness in:)

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Sexuality

Sexuality is a messy thing because it’s such a spectrum and it can be very fluid. Being on the LGTBQ+ spectrum is being accepted more and more but there’s still some hate being directed to those in the community.

Society is quite hetero-normative. It’s hard enough to figure yourself out, especially as a teenager, but it makes it a lot harder when you feel pressure to conform to what society expects you to be, and how you should act, especially if it’s about sexuality.

In this post, I’ll be talking mainly about the “+” section of LGTBQ+, in particular, Aromantic and Asexual sexualities.

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Reading Update!

24in48 Readathon: I was on Instagram and saw this reading challenge. Basically, you try fitting in 24 hours of reading, into a 48 hour period. I thought it would be neat to try! I didn’t end up making 24 hours. I sleep a lot, and I think it was a bit unrealistic for me.. I aimed for 12 hours and only made 11, so hopefully I’ll get more next time!

Week in review: I finished a few books this week. I have exams with school, so it’s short days leaving me with lots of reading time, and my reading challenge definitely helped too!

Books finished this week!

  • Girls Made of Snow and Glass- Melissa Bashardoust
    • 4/5 stars
    • I really enjoyed this book. It was a little hard to follow in the beginning because the overlapping story lines and the different tenses between the characters. Although there were some romantic aspects to this novel, I still think it was a bit out of my normal genre of contemporary, teen romance, YA novels. It was I think more fantasy/ adventure? But overall, I enjoyed it!
  • All The Bright Places- Jennifer Niven
    • 5/5 stars
    • This book is one of my favourites, and has been since I read it the first time. This time through was my second or third read. It is in the normal genre I read from, but I think it focuses a lot more on mental health/ illnesses than some other novels I’ve read. In the back of the novel, the author adds her experiences which leads me to think that some parts of the novel may be based on herself. She also adds messages that if you are facing demons and mental illness, you are not alone, and there’s resources and people you can reach out to for help!

Next Reads…

  • Continue to read Whiskey Words & a Shovel by R.H. Sin
  • Start The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur
  • Start Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Anxiety

Anxiety is a funny thing. We all have it on some level, but some people have it more than others and certain events may trigger it. You see, anxiety is unfair. It doesn’t care what you have going on in your life… You could be having the best day and anxiety can step in and just “You know, I’m going to make this bad for you…look at all this stuff that could go wrong!”. Or, it could make a bad day worse by doing the same thing. Anxiety is like the young child sitting beside you, after learning the word “why”. It becomes the most common word in that child’s vocabulary, always asking for answers. But instead of questions like “Why does the cat have fur?” it’s questions like… “Why did you just say that”, “Why are they looking at you,” “Why are you like this”…Questions that tear you apart. But unlike talking to a child, there’s not always an answer for the questions asked.

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School/ Stress

It’s the end of the semester at school, it’s actually exam week right now so my new classes start next week! Even with staying on top of school work, it seems like assignments just keep on coming, and it can get quite stressful. This post will be about healthy ways to manage stress. Hopefully this helps for anyone who needs it! Continue reading “School/ Stress”

What’s on your shelves?

Hey everyone! I’m looking for new books to read. I’m currently reading a lot of YA books, like the typical teen romance novels…think John Green. As much as I love the genre, I want to step out of this little bubble I’ve made, and read books of other genres.

I’m looking for recommendations for books, YA novels, or any other genre! Comment your favourite books that I should read!